He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
