i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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