Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
