things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
