Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
