Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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