I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
you never un-have a 4some
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
