when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
