in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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