ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
