apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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