Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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