I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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