So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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