im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
