I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
