Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
