At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize