i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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