is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
