all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He called his prostate his "boner button".
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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