She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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