does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
