hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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