Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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