That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
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Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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