I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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