So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
