I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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