You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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