and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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