Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
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A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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