it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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