i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
