You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
