I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
