I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
