bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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