he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
