I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
