I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
