I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
