He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
