This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize