I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
should my penis look like a turkey
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Couch. On fire.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
