It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
