i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
