I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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