I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
