I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
only if we run a train.
done.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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