i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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