So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
