I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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