Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
