I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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