I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We had to coat check the pizza.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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