just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My life is pants optional.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
