They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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