Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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