why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
