I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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