I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
