How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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