I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
