Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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