dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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