i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
