I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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