Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
