I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.