The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
