Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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