YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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