atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize