Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
