I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
